Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Wading into 30’s

As I savor the last few moments of being in the 20’s – quite a Lot of thoughts race through my mind.

I rewind to the winter of 1999 – yes – exactly about a decade ago – when I was celebrating my last birthday as a Graduate student; and somehow – I could just see my life laid out for the next 10 years – ala till today.

I made a list of things I wanted to do- the kind of jobs, the education, the money, the adventures, the splurges, the travel, the arts, the science, gyan et all – and when I look back – I see a lot of God’s Grace – for the simple fact – I got almost everything on that list (that landed right into my lap, needless to say –mostly undeserved – cos I know a hell lotsa smarter fellows around me who deserved much better). So there you go- the decade of my 20’s is in the high 90’s in terms of what I wanted Vs what I got.

What always perplexed me is - when I looked ahead as a 20 yr old – I could see my life for the next 10 yrs, and could see nothing beyond 30, and with some extrapolation till 35 – but realistically never beyond 35.

Now at the threshold of 30 – I still can’t look a day beyond – no Grand Plans – no laundry list, and just can’t see myself as a 40yr, 50yr, 60yr??

By usual standards, I have lived half my life (or maybe most of it) – and in this 30 odd years – I have made some good memories, good friends, been probably a 40% good son, 70% good brother, a better friend to the ones that matter, and an absolute cold one to those I wanted to keep at bay, and a loner to most family members.

Over the last 10 years, something’s that have not really changed about me are:

  • I was a loner, and still am a loner, who turns into an extremely animated guy with the few that are close to me (and they would bet I am NOT a loner)
  • I dispense Gyan - none who knows me now, saw me in my school – That was something!
  • I like driving, and can drive, drive, drive ……………..
  • I have specific tastes (most describe it as expensive :P)
  • I always dressed casual, but my nails are mostly manicured and my socks never stank
  • Had/have equal no. of girl and guy friends (okay – I take back that :P)
  • I hate khandaan functions
  • I like the house being without guests , when I come home at the end of the day
  • I like spending time with my family (my definition of family being parents, sibling and now sibling’s hubby and children) – this never did happen or at best very few times, as I am always in an eternal conflict with my folks definition of a family (kith and kin and etc) - I have a small group of 30 coming home tomorrow – that’s the family they talk about!
  • I am still single (:P) – ya – that will change soon :)
  • Big movie buff
  • Lots of books (ya I read M&B too ~ just for the record)

The things that changed a lot are:

  • My tolerance for non-sense has become sub zero ; except of course when it’s the question of my bread and butter
  • Almost stopped watching television
  • Gained weight – lost weight – gained weight –lost weight – gained weight (presently nice and round)
  • Like continental food to south Indian food
  • Coffee grew darker by the day
  • More grey hair
  • I don’t keep backup money in the wallet / car
  • I stopped writing verse except occasionally\

I pause and think – and I there is a blank block (I wish I could say a blank slate) as I look ahead, and like most birthday’s this one will also be one that will be celebrated on a “forced happy” note – In the last 10 years, I recollect about 3 birthdays that were fantastic and full of joy –

  • Steve’s surprise party while preparing for CAT 2003
  • Birthday at Delhi at Arjun’s house
  • Huh ??? - Just two ?

Into the 30’s, I enter on this note:

Tic toc
Tic toc
The never ending clock rolls
The mind and the heart to different tunes unfold
So much to see, do and to be told
Moments, minutes, hours into thin air roll
Tic toc
Tic toc

...and this (from b'day of 2007)