Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Unfulfilled Dreams

You've been living in a dream world, Neo. This is the world as it exists today.... Welcome to the Desert of the Real. ~ The Matrix

And quite coincidentally, most of us live a life that is marred (err defined) by unfulfilled dreams. As humans, all of us dream, and dream we always of something thing much different than the state we have.

It’s quite intriguing that even in our wild fantasies, we define our dreams with an important element in it – Pain – Even in this new state of affairs, we very consciously count the cost of what we will not have in the new state – and that’s what surprises me. Even in a state of fantasy and wild day dreaming, we always count the cost!

I recall from another blog post that, we as humans are seasoned, equipped to deal and define our existence to start with and thereby the quality of life by the pain we are subjected to, the pain we can deal with, and the pain we can at will; can cause on another human being

Imagine the ‘now’, for someone living in hectic pace of a modern day city, commuting by the tube, having a job that pays a little over than needed for comfort, but deprived of any time to enjoy the very meal you slog for, and have not time to sit back, take a pause and smile. And then you imagine a world, far away from the noise, where we dream of the much needed time to sit back, take a pause and smile, and before we even finish knitting that dream, we are already counting the cost of missing the tube, the pub, the noise and the pay! Alas! – We are just where we begun, still counting the cost, and dreaming of another world where we dream of something thing much different from the state we have.

And then comes a moment, where there is no difference in the cost, and then we stop counting the cost, for it no longer matters, and will be in a state of dreamlessness, just to wake up with a jolt, that this was the world we actually dreamt about all along – and the cerebellum kicks in, and we start rationalizing between the desert of the real, and the imaginary world, and based on what we are willing to pay (either for the present or the future), there we go, into another dream world.

And then you walk in the glade, wondering about that moment when we indulged in the fruit of knowledge, that left us condemned with the consequences of a powerful brain, a mortal body and a frail will.

Dedicated to the girl I met just once, chatted a few times, but have more things in common than I gave time to think of. To Deepu - Dream on!

Sunday, November 02, 2008

2nd Innings

…and I am ready for the 2nd innings – I do not know how many innings are out there to play, maybe a couple more, a few more seasons, a lil more refining, a lot many dreams, make a few more stars twinkle, many more sunsets to be chased, a lot more to be learnt, much to be tempered, seasoned, pickled and then wake up early on a dreamless night and wonder, if another innings is round the corner.

I breathe hope, eat optimism, ride on passion and flirt with ‘Grace’. That is what I am – simple and candid.

..and here I am, standing, looking ahead, taking a peek back, and no regrets, but think something(s) could have be done differently, but no regrets, cos I got more than what I asked for, and a lot more than what I dreamt of, and more importantly – I am here writing this, and at the start of a 2nd innings.

A toast to all who have been at this moment before me, and a wish to all who are yet in their 1st innings – you will be here eventually!

I wish and dream a brilliant 2nd innings, but really don’t hold “brilliant” to it’s wonderful meaning – Just hope, that my post at the end of this innings retains a lots of what I am or have been thus far - breathe hope, eat optimism, ride on passion and flirt with ‘Grace’.

Friday, October 17, 2008

A Surreal Paradox

..and yet again I laugh at the vilest and ancient of paradoxes, that leers even today

..for every time we get caught in an intellectual problem, we seek an answer from the heart and do what the heart says;

..and every time we get stuck in problem that originates out of the heart, we rationalize with the mind

..and in this, life is choked, the heart weeps and the mind drains, and yet again ever so often, we see the same paradox over and over again, right from the time it started in the Garden of Eden, when man thought with the mind for an obedience God demanded of the heart;

..and for the empathy we expect, and a shoulder to crib, when all we really needed was an intellectual solution

…and for the rational solutions we provide for the cries of the heart

..and when we really understand that; dropping these masks we wear, and reaching out to the heart with a heart, and to a mind with a mind, don’t we get moments of eternity right here on Earth? and ain’t not all the fondest of memories we treasure, a testimony to those moments?

..that’s why I guess, the body is left behind and the spirit only goes beyond the other shore, lest we succumb to the eternal paradox for eternity

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

EMI & Loan amortization Formula

I realised that most who are searching for a EMI formula will not read a long blog -

To download the EMI / Loan Amortization Template and the formulae - click here

To read the descriptive blog about EMI / Loan Amortization - click here


Loan amortization schedule

I walk into my home today to find a mail from my Banker - there is an increase of 150 Basis Points in the Home Loan interest rate - meaning, my house loan has increased by 1.5% - What stumped my the most is this - My House loan tenure is increased to 425 months from 240 months, keeping the EMI (Equated Monthly Installment / Amortization Money) constant.

It took about 2-3 minutes to understand that a 1.5% increase in house loan can actually almost double my repayment period - and needless to say, you would almost pay 80% than what you actually would have paid at the end of the agreed period - in my case 24 months.

There was no mathematical error - and the easier way to decrease my 80% additional payout is to increase my EMI by just about 8% a month.

At first, I took the easy way out asking uncle "Google" for the formula for amortization / calculate payout months with EMI constant, and for a surprise - I did not get any simple answers - There were some good Excel Templates on Microsoft site - but I wanted something as simple, that can explain to my dad, who thinks either the bank is a robber or the son is negligent based on his mood.

So to help other souls like me, I built a simple Excel Sheet to calculate the EMI show 2 variations.

1. The Interest Rate increases - (that's what we hear every day) - How much does my EMI increase, if I keep the repayment period constant. I have shown the analysis for about 250 basis points of positive variation ~ meaning 2.5% increase - Why 2.5% increase - If the increase is more than this - I think its cheaper to take a loan from the open market and close the loan :)

2. The EMI is kept constant - The repayment period is increased - my scenario at the start of the blog - and this does not look good at all - a 0.5% increase increase by payout by 80% !!!! - I have shown a variance of 250 basis points here too - you would notice, that if you enter large loan amounts and higher interest rates - the "No of Months" column throws an error - it's actually not an error - this only means that the number of months to repay runs beyond your expected life time and I guess no bank likes that :P - meaning you are forced to increase your EMI - ofcourse, the bank will increase it to the base minimum to match the last payment to your last salary - ahhahahhahaha

I hope the template is useful - you can download it here:

I can answer few questions - pls do not ask me on how to solve your financial problems - you need to pay me for that :)


Monday, September 01, 2008

Random tidbits about my workplaces

  • Wipro had the fastest IT response time – under 2 mins – every time, all the time :) - Amazing
  • All most every single Finance / HR head across all the companies have been sacked / tried for either financial fraud or sexual abuse!!! – And all these companies have the longest essays on everything ‘ethical’
  • All but at one company (SumTotal) – I have seen people make-out or watch porn in the conference room
  • A comment that’s blog worthy
Working with XXXX is like reliving the dream of high school - except that....in high school it was fun, but a few years down the lane, you see it as being stupid and occasionally laugh at yourself....but it gets even more frustrating when you have to hear self appointed pompous asses who make a big deal of it - grow up guys!!!! Unfortunately... I am living that for now - just can't wait to get out of high school
  • No company ever gave a financial bonus to any employees, while each maintained at least 40% profit Y-O-Y
  • Across all companies – ‘hikes ‘ came before appraisals finished
  • Every company spoke more(good or bad) of their competitors than themselves
  • Nobody “apparently” had any attrition problems – hehehe

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

In Search of Excellence

All of us, for a better part of our lives are in “search of excellence”, and at some point in time, we might take a pause, be content with what we have , or just become too complacent with the world around us –but even in that state of complacency we still look for a better state – Too bad, this running never stops – the quest for ‘higher ‘never ends.

And I guess the reason is this – the World we live in is defined by order – now before you can jump off saying it can be defined by chaos also, based on being of an alternate world view- Click here

Let me use a negative sounding word for this apparent search for excellence – “altered reality” – we all tend to live in an altered reality – Taking a rather mathematical approach to this altered reality -

How we choose the variables of altered reality define the way we progress in this helping us estimate how big this constant of alteration is (in simple words – how heavy or light) – reality my friend is rather easy – its staring right into our eyes.


Go Ahead – curse the day you bunked math classes, and sulk about me that I spoil your happiness with such blogs – I am sure there are atleast 4 ppl who will try to solve this equation – God Bless them -J - Incidentally all of them are married :P

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Heaven’s beckon the knowledge quest

Those closest to me, must have heard this many a times – my passion is Physics, and my career is Management – I was watching this program called – “Elegant Universe” - It left me wondering for a moment (well the whole evening), if I should have pursued Physics, got into research etc etc –but by the time I write this blog (a day later) – I am happy to sit and watch these programs and marvel at how Theoretical Physics has progressed and blah blah…

I guess I need a break :)

Friday, August 22, 2008

Order Vs. Chaos

Scenario 1 -
The world is based on ‘Order’. ‘Order’ assumes perfection and perfection assumes a relentless quest for improvement – We mess this ‘Order’ – things mess up – We start working our way out of the mess –meaning – start progressing towards ‘Order’.

Scenario 2-
The world is defined as a ‘Chaos’ – and we are not grounded by any rules – after all, ‘Chaos’ cannot have any rules – but then a desire to have a something a little better kicks in – and we bring in some ‘Order’ to a small, chaotic part – meaning me are ruining the ‘Chaos’ by brining any ‘Order’ – or in ‘Order’ to maintain a perfect chaotic world, we need to ensure that the ‘Chaos’ remains – and anything that ensures that something remains in its state is ‘Order’ – meaning – ‘Chaos’ is a self destructing proposition. (That’s why I don’t believe in fate as it assumes ‘Chaos’ as a basis – while ‘Order’ assumes God –will deal about this in another blog)

This blog post is dedicate to Supriya, who I think holds the fastest comment record on my blog - under 30 secs :P

God must be having a headache!!

Alas – poor him – human’s at least have a way out – they can pray to God – Poor God – what would he do?

No – this is not a mockery of God. This is what happened today morning at 4:30 AM.

Out of the blue (er black), there is this blast of really loud incantations, apparently to worship the local god of the area I live in – 4:30 AM – Phew – and I don’t think it’s pleasant for anyone, leave alone God for a nasal toned, yucky sounding babbling woman sing apparent praises to wakeup the deity !

My house is quite a distance from the nearby temple, but the volume – I guess could have bet a Rock Show “mics down” – and after 20 mins of crooning, comes along a dubbed tape of forced lyrics on a latest film track – I don’t know if the deity there were worshipping would have been pleased with this effort, but atleast some 200 families in 1 KM radius would have cursed both this lady, the temple and that deity who put-up with such nonsense.

Where does sense and sensibility go? – If you want to worship your deity –pls do – why cause a huge sound to everyone around at an un-godly hour??

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

iPhone in India

At last - the much awaited day comes, when iPhone launches in India, and phew what a disappointment - It just costs 4 times more than in any other part of the World - A whopping 800$ !!! -

I always suspected that they would price it higher - but - 4 times? - India is the only market, where people spend almost double on a handset (in comparision to the same phone in other parts of the world) - The Govt levies 15% -20 % import duty - that cost being added to the phone is understandable. But 4 times ?? and guess what - it would be locked to a network too!

The rationale Vodafone and Airtel give is that they would not subsidize the phone - unlike US telecom players - but I still get a phone that is locked, and also need to have a 2 year contract - What the f&^#? I am paying 100% or may be 200% the value of the phone - I should be allowed to do whatever I want with it !

I have been acting noble not buying a jailbreaked phone, with a respect for the manufacturer that they have produced a truly good phone - but now - jailbreaked is the way - 200$ for the phone in any damm country, and spend nothing or as little as 20$ to jailbreak it and I get an iphone at peanuts.

...and idiots wonder why India has a huge grey market - it would be fun to buy the same for around 20K in the grey market - I bet 2 months, and you will get iphones from grey market home delivered.

Long live the grey market :)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Life in the fast lane

The title overflows of adrenalin, excitement, energy and looks like the best lane to be – after all, the fastest lane has the best of everything – the smoothest road, the fastest cars, the biggest brands and whiff of envious air that gets past the vipers as you zoom by ….

…and we all endeavor for it, and run the mile as much as possible, and as close as possible to the fast lane.

However, the irony is that – does the fastest lane have all of that we really think and aspire to have? – We run so fast trying to save time, and get an extra ounce of everything possible with the myth that we will have all the time at the end of the road, to enjoy the fruits of time gained by being in the fast lane.

I think what we really do in the fast lane is build safety nets - We are on an overdrive of infinite planning.

Let’s take the Naturalist view – Evolution!
– Evolution defies a safety net – if there is a safety net of peaceful existence, Evolution fails, and all of us would have ended at the primordial or even worse a unicellular level – so – no safety net in Evolution.

Let’s take the Agnostic view – Knowledge!
– Knowledge is at an infinitum, and since we can’t master all knowledge, we cannot really plan for the perfect safety net! – Phew – safety net is wafer thin in this view.

Let’s take the Rebel’s view – Critique –
The basis of reason is in the statement of a problem – and if the problem is solved in its entirety – reason has no more a base to stand on – in simple words –reason self destructs in the absence of a problem – and a safety net is created (as a fall back) for a (anticipated) problem – so if reason prevails – safety net dissolves – if reason fails – well does safety net really stand ? Your reasoning was wrong - J - Safety net is a mythical bubble here.

Finally, let’s take the Theist’s view –Faith
- Now if you say that you believe in God – you should not have a safety net – You need to stand in Faith, for God, the Omniscient, Omnipotent & Omni Present should have thought and planned a way for you and you really do not need a safety net! – If you are infinitely worried and labor continuously creating a safety net, then you defy your faith, and you turn into an Atheist!

So what is the end of it all?– simple – Slow down – take a breather – absorb the light – enjoy the ride – and for fun – floor the pedal once a while, but don’t lose out on life itself by trying to be always in the fast lane – after all, it’s called the fast lane, bcos there are slower lanes beside it ?
I thank my God for I know, He has a plan for me, and a plan for my Good. I end on this noteDoes your God have a plan for you? Pause and Ponder.

the Bitch

It’s rather sad that I need to break my non-writing spree with a blog post titled “the Bitch”.

As you would have guessed, it would not be a pleasant blog, and I abhor writing such negative things about any human in general, but then, you get provoked, fingered (no pun intended), and push the limits of forbearance, and Voila – out comes a post – simply called “the Bitch”

Interestingly, bitch as commonly understood is not a derogatory term used for the female kind – but, alas, this post is unfortunately not about a guy!

Let’s define the characteristics of ‘the Bitch’
  • She would think she is the love of every heart, by her loud talk – seldom does she realize that many a times people don’t even hear her beyond the first sentence – and wait for the endless babble to end – has not anyone heard – a loud mouthed woman is hated by everyone including women?
  • She would think that she is got the best of all worlds, and command power – while in reality, people are poignant to a point, she is not worth beyond the current fling (situation) and at best return to her just for another fling – this does not mean, people want her – they just don’t want her – point in fact – you don’t make love to ‘the bitch’ – you don’t say it either - you just indulge as to your whim and gratification of the ‘now’
  • She can crib, and crib she will – for her life is at best a few inches deep (again no pun intended) – and all that can come of such (s)hallow(ness) – is lots of noise – the sad part is – no one would even bother telling that – for a simple reason – she is ‘the Bitch’
  • She can never find love, and love will never find her - for the true nature of love is to give and take without a degree of self righteousness and how often do you meet ‘the bitch’ who does not think she is god ! (megalomania is truly personified in ‘the bitch’ – and the reason is – that when you rebel(find fault) against everything possible, you lose your right o rebel)
  • She rides on the circle of pontification, to a point that there is no reason in what she does, and reason does elude and then emotions creep in, and the whole mess gets personal – and that’s when people slap her out (again no pun intended) and just give a hysterical pitiable laugh at ‘the bitch’
….and there she lies in darkness only she can feel, and a darkness only she enjoys in her disdained state of love – love – eh – none for ‘the bitch’

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Pissed off ? Upset ?

The difference between being pissed off and being upset is; you breathe out through your nostrils in the former, and breathe into your head in the later.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Life @ Business

  • Rationals do business
  • Irrationals keep discussing business
  • Obtuse keep bargaining

Friday, February 22, 2008


Ever so many times, does the feeling of “an infinite longing to a brilliant life bounded by finite capacity” is what knocks us down, more so with an increasing tempo and a greater urge to have more, with every passing day; as we chase the ticking clock of the heart, the mind and the body thereof.

That longing for certainty (in the heart), sense of control (in the mind) and endurance (of the body) pushes us into a mindset of where we seem to believe (or rather strived / strive infinitely) that we know almost everything about everything. Can we really be certain about anything at all?

There seem to be so many answers for everything that could possibly be questioned about, except that – (most often) We do not know , what is the question that is really bothering us – and there we plunge into the depths of philosophy(to the heart) , causality(to the mind) and pain (to the body) to place ourselves into of the following paradigms –
  • Why am I here (heart)
  • What am I doing (mind)
  • How long (body)
Now, these paradigms sound like the most basic of questions that pass before us a thousand times every day, but seem to change in meaning with every passing moment – the answers seem to be changing at a gazillion times faster than the questions themselves!

There are voids, there are holes, there are craters and what fills each of these at different points in time, defines us as to what we are, in that time frame against the vast reference of the infinite clock.

What am I today – a sojourner in a desert of infinite ideas, thirsting for questions, that settle the soul in the cool calm of knowing that the way counts.
Dedicated to my friend Chitra - Battle on dear :)

Friday, February 08, 2008


I was thinking of all the offbeat statements, I heard about me – rather funny, interesting and hmm a hyperbole.

One of my (girl)friends describing me to her boy friend – John is really sweet, extremely chivalrous, just is there when you need him very pally, and you can trust him always not to take advantage of you, and does not hit on anyone or every – very very sweet –
The Hyperbole - Her friend – sure he is not Gay? …nah just asking :)

One of my colleagues discussing me over coffee – How can this guy be so cold and calculating (hmmm.. I mean in a positive way), and get away with utter indignation to rules, and yet win people at work? Huh!!
The Hyperbole - Reaction – he is just an asshole who is difficult to hate – reason, bugger is intelligent (that I still am to figure out if he really is!!)

Whoa man – this fella is equipped with so many facts – he knows his subject and takes people to task –
The Hyperbole – Hello – I really think he is successful because he has better (English) language skills.

How can you think like this – I wish I was as analytical as you – Can you help me leran this thinking thing?
The Hyperbole (in the same breath) –actually, I am glad I cant – you actually are a potential terrorist – you just went to Sunday school a lil too long.

He always calls me just when needed, and seems to be there ever in the nick of time.
The Hyperbole – Actually, he is very lazy to write a mail – ever tried getting a letter from him ?? You see!

He drives really well, and really fast and very skilled
The Hyperbole – He just can’t seem to accept the fact that another car can be ahead of him - :P

Thursday, February 07, 2008


After a long long time, a really long time – I feel alone - The word is alone, and not exactly lonely!

It maybe the set of events over the last 2 weeks, where I was the only soul in a 600 seater movie hall, or finally getting bugged of living and working out of a hotel / home for the last 8 months, and not made any new friends, and in general everyone including me have got a lil more busy with life.

It maybe that my intolerance to nonsense and general lack of intelligence in everything that kept a lot of people at bay

It may be that I just need someone for more than a friend

It may be that you want to share a hundred new ideas, but don’t find one to intellectually debate, but in a role where I am only mentoring a few promising souls

It may be I got lazy in life to do something refreshing

It may be that I am bereft of sleep for the last 2 nights and …

Still – alone :)

Wednesday, February 06, 2008


After ‘Glade’, it’s the gentle breeze that really refreshes - I start quoting this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Maryanne Williamson

Ever wondered how simply we brush the idea of a fairy with tiny little wings, and yet in our deepest of hearts wished we had one lil fairy that we could hide – what is it that really scares us? – the “stupidness” of the fairy or the possibility of immense power, if it be real?

Most often than not, what stops us from being what we want to be is - our fear of what we can really possibly be – when was the last time we really woke up scared that our big dreams might become a reality? Well – if it is a long time – we have already killed a great deal of ourselves!

What is life if we cannot dream a dream that can scare us to the possibility of it being a reality – as for everything else that makes us feel nice and comfortable – well, there are 6 Billion others, whom you have for friends – or just be that one, who can have his/her identity as one unique individual.

Do I mean to say – Go ahead, everyone be successful – nah – you see the quote above really defines success in perspective – in our OWN perspective !

It’s about time to let the light shine, and let the soul awaken and breathe easy – you know what it does? – you will become the Zephyr. (P.S – I hate the idea of a GOD of wind but use the word for the context)

Glade I wonder, Zephyr I be !

Those closest to my heart call me Whirlwind !

Dedicated to Nada – get you small wings dear :)