Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Life on mortgage

Dreams, hope, love, relationships, career and a thousand other words and their interplay with bold italic words of being responsible, planning ahead, negotiating well, sharp thinking, selling etc, all just to get ahead in the rat race, a little more push in the career, and little more in life, a few more dollars, a few more smiles and then will pause and take the sip of gratification and pause, and then take some rest.

... and then that one thing that has been justified by a million words, every day with a passing finesse of every vaporizing moment comes knocking on - at what price, at what cost?

... a few moments of happiness, a few moments of pleasure, a few moments of living, a few moments of being nice, a few moments of sipping off the vintage wine that we brewed over tears and toil are all lost for eternity for sure, a one moment a time.

The mirage scintillates in the shimmer of hope and the promise of a new day, that we'll live, not pay the cost anymore, reduce the price and start living - but once you get a little closer, the mirage flees and the shimmering appears again - In all this, we wake up angry every day, have become critical to a point that we forget that we exist and see the world from a diminished height and a shallow depth, have reduced life to numbers, numbers in salary, numbers in age, numbers in marks, where life progresses on - though where, I question.

... suddenly you realize that you are 25, 30, 40, 50, 60 and may be staring at death - and regret that you have been dying all along, and death is just the cruel joke that is laughing at you saying, did you really deserve to live, you have forgotten - and reality dawns !

How many days, moments, achievements, jobs, qualifications, friends, family members are there that we can look back upon and smile to ourselves a smile of gratification!

What a pity, life is on a mortgage - a mortgage that doesn’t diminish but accrued with every passing day!
Life on a mortgage!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Work and Pleasure

Mixing work with pleasure will strip pleasure of its pleasurability - the
converse? what converse?

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Comeback

Whats important to me is that you get up after falling, and not live with the fear of falling again! I love taking risks, I dont mind losing the game, and I am happy to lose too - but in the end, will get up, run and win.
After all if everyone adopts the philosophy of the fear of losing, and playing it safe, there will be none left to play - none - N-O-N-E.
I am happy that the world is full of morons and a few sane people - All sane people would make the world truly moronic.
I am back - Cheers!


Courage is the ability to accept the way you are, every time and all the time.

Let’s take this scenario from the movie Ta ra rum pum:

Xai: Why can't the parents tell the kids that they are broke? Do they think that the kids can’t understand and handle the truth?

WW: Well, it’s not a question of whether the kids can understand or not, but the parents cannot handle the truth and hence are afraid and think the kids can’t handle it.

That’s the truth of the matter - Most often than not, when we hold back an opinion or camouflage a situation to sound "politically right" or just “stay quiet”, thinking the other person cannot handle the truth, the reality of the fact is that, we do not have the courage to face it up, and really deal with it, and pass it off as the other person not ready to handle it.

Well, an argument can be made, that it’s not always that way with all - I disagree - the fact that you thought about some person with regards to a matter, is proof enough that person is a stakeholder and you cannot really solve the situation by staying quiet. All that you manage to do is insult the other person’s judgment with a myopic view, and also cringe within that you were not able to say what you wanted to say.

Sooner or later, the other person will know what was not said - and hmmm, I am sure, it’s always been, the other person handled it better than you ever imagined.

Well - Courage! Who was the coward?

I end on the same note:
Courage is the ability to accept the way you are, every time and all the time, and have the guts to look into your own soul, there by letting you look deep into someone's eye.

Dedicated to Anita, who wanted me to write on Courage a long long time ago...
~ to life - John 2007

Friday, June 08, 2007


Drained, drained & drained – nothing drains me more than having to convince that I am honest about something, and after a time, all that you can hope is, that you will be seen from outside the mess.

I do not subscribe to the karmic cycle, but one thing I definitely believe – You Screw Up – You Pay Up.

I realize that I see things from a long term both ways – a long term of events that shaped me up, my situations, my everything, and a forward view of what things can be, hope of better things, and always a smile in the stride – However, something that does not really change is the way I behave by the – point-in-time of how I feel.

At present, I am just drained – I hope for a smile to shine through in the morning.

~ to myself, John 2007

Thursday, June 07, 2007


A part of me is dead – A part of me! It’s not a side (~intellectual / emotional / romantic / philosophical / mathematical / physical / spiritual / professional / educational / behavioral / musical / dramatic / foolish / funny / serious etc) of me but a PART of me.

My heart weeps and the mind mourns the death of it, as it feels and tries to come to terms with the death – Had it been a side of me, things would have been clear, easy and composed.

Like all death, I will mourn for sometime, and life goes on.

What’s important is that there is a huge part that is alive. I will not brood on finding out what is dead – cos, the more you dig into what’s dead, the stinky and rotten it gets. Unfortunately, you cannot awaken what’s dead, but can grow back into being the ‘full of life’. I am glad that life is like that, at least till we die physically.

These are the words that have been ringing in my head for the last couple of hours, and the fact that I pay tribute to death; I guess a part of me is really dead.

~ To death, John 2007

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

No - Just a Plain No

I have realised that most often, we complain that we really did not have a choice, succumbed to pressure, or had to be politically correct, or had to take a stand in favour of the tilted-weighted circumstances, and saying a "No" was impossible and by default seen as wrong.

After a series of meetings today at office, and some rather stupid arbitrary intellectual orgasms and a plethora of reasons why somethings are justified as being right, despite the facts screaming other wise, and some anecdotes from personal experience, I believe this is the primary problem.

We do not really have the courage and the conviction to say a 'No' to our self, before we take an external stance. I guess, dealing with a binary answer at a microcosm level of self, demands the greatest of faith and courage (unfortunately) in our own self.

We are bred and live in a world where we strive to get an approval for every thing that we do, and somewhere compete, constantly battle the fear of a loss, and run the endless race of something better awaiting further ahead, and dangle between reality, hope, aspiration, logic, rationality and truth in that order.

For once I end my blog with an open ended question - Can you say 'yes' to your conviction of a 'no' and not feel afraid of your conviction, and have the courage to say a 'No' to yourself, the external world?

Why do we really gain by saying 'yes' against all this?

~to death John 2007

Saturday, June 02, 2007


I am so bloody bored in life - Too bored to even blog - Thankfully, there are books.
  • Work is going great guns - But Bored
  • Too little entertainment in the world - So Bored
  • Gyan Giving - Too Boring
  • Gyan Receiving - Hmm - Any Gyan on How not to be bored? Boring!
  • Friends - The ones I wanna Hang Out with are out of town or Busy - Others are Boring
  • Relatives - Borrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
  • Church - I am now officially on the 'watch out dude - rebel list' - Bored
  • Flings, ONS - Not interested - Bored
  • Short term romance - hmmm - does that exist? Bored
  • Long term romance - by the time latitudes, longitudes, wave lengths, conduction, entropy, dimensions etc fall in place............ - huh - Bored (for readers with lesser IQ - Latitude + Longitude = Demographics, Wave Lengths = Compatibility (not someone you can get bored of / whom you can spend endless time with, without they getting on to your nerves), Conduction = That warm feeling that can pass through air, without necessary physical contact, and make you feel nice, Entropy = lil complex to explain - leave it, I am already bored, dimensions = length, breath, volume, texture, tone, colour etc etc...
  • Family - hmmm at present, one point agenda - marriage - these discussions start animated and end up boring you to death - Bored
  • Games - Ahem - Can forget boredom for 5 hours - afterwards - Bored
  • Long Drives - Bike yes, Car hmmm...bored
  • Eating - huh ? BORING
  • Sleeeping - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz whoa - deadliest of bores
  • Call random numbers - hmmm, want one unknown phone friend - talking is boring too
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