Friday, December 21, 2007


Alas for that moment when man ate of the fruit of knowledge, that he was condemned with the consequences of a powerful brain, a mortal body and a frail will.

….and so did the eternal quest for the quenching of an insatiable cerebellum continues, only to be subdued by occasional spurts of clouded happiness; most of which is a result of blinded reality to reality – the only reality being – you are a sojourner and there is really no rest to the head, and consequently to the body, emotions and everything thereof.

…and walking the beaten path or treading along unchartered territory, you will still hold points of references, for what? – Lest we have to retract, or milestones that subdue reality of a time being, to recharge for continuing winding journey ahead.

…and there comes along an Oasis, (that) we look with joy, and almost always later leave into the desert with spite – Is it really spite? – At best they a seen as a spring in the desert (literally) while the journey is really out in the sands.

…and comes the Glade – in the thicket of woods, where order seems to suddenly seem intrinsic, till the howl of the night, shakes it into perspective, that we are really out in the woods.

…and at the end of it all – the quest to do something new, something good, and leave a trail and leave a mark – you are back to where you have actually started – to eating more of the fruit of knowledge, only to be condemned again to the consequences of a powerful brain, a mortal body and a frail will.

…Glade I wonder, Glade I love, Glade I learn from, Glade I run


Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Comment ca va?

A post after a long time – for those who know me well, they must be wondering how come the cranking sound of thoughts sounded so silent for so long a time, and ah from John – is everything alright?

As I look back over the hiatus, something I really learnt to appreciate (or rather embrace) – silence. Silence, something that needs no words sometimes and avoids words sometimes, and both have their place and time.

In this period of silence, I have seen “adults” write me off, as being naïve, “happening” guys give gyan about life, “morally upright” sign me off as evil, professional equations change based on perceptions, personal equations change based on impressions of “accomplishment possible”, and a few (for whom I remained the same) for whom nothing else mattered, even silence.

Ecoute le silence – a French phrase I use occasionally, and it just about sounds so good – The literal translation of the same – “Hear the silence”.

In what seems to be a tumultuous rage of changes, memory echoes a profound statement, ironically set in the worst chaos mankind has seen – “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it’s the courage to continue that counts.” (Churchill)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Meet the American Indians

I really really hope that the words “American Indian” is considered as a racist term, and I wanna call a lot of desi babus here by that name.

It’s funny to meet the breed out here – Most guys from the land of Gult (50%) and the rest are Mallus, Tams and North Indians.

You need to answer the following 3 questions, or have a placard, that you can handover to all “American Indians”
1. What Visa are you on
2. How long in the US
3. What’s your Salary

The answers to these questions decide how you will be treated, and how long you will be spoken to, and how many times you can probably call!

Visa / Length of Stay –
Essentially, if you are on a short stay, you will be kept at bay – everyone lives with this morbid fear that, you will cling on to them, and suck their blood out, and ask for favours! Even responses about locale are guarded – The stranger on the street, is much more responsive!

Once they know you are not on a H1 / L1 – every alternate guy offers deals on how to get a H1.

The following are some of them.

1. I know an agent – He will get you a H1 – The yearly commission ranges between 10%-35% of Annual Salary
2. Want a green card – (phew this is what surprised me the most) – Get married to a Resident (American Indian) – Cost - $ 10,000 - Contract Marriage, both parties will not touch each other – Get the Green Card and file for Divorce!!!!

$ Rules
There is an infinite obsession with how much money you can make, and everyone is on a one point agenda of making more money, saving more. The average Indian out here is in the top 5 percentile of US earnings (an American family makes half as much as an average underpaid Indian in IT), but with a catch – ‘American Indians’ live like beggars – This is what a cabby had to say (btw most cabby’s are Punjabi’s and live much better than ‘American Indians’). Most Americans hate ‘American Indians’ cos they stink! – The cabby says, yeh sale log tho deo karidne ke liye bhi hazar bar soch the hain. Itney paise bacha ke, kya kar re ga. Theen Char saal ke baad be, har ek cheese ka price ko Rupees mein convert kar ke spend karthe hain!!” Upne India ka naam barbad karthe hain.

So there you go! – If they know you earn a lot more than them- you are stay away material (material of contempt) and will immediately get a comparative chart of all pay packs across the top 10 Indian employers in the US.

If they know you earn a lot less –you are looked down as a loser, and again stay away material, with the fear that you might ask them for money!!!

If you earn as much as they do, well, they wanna hang out with ppl who are better off than them !!!

But then, there are those couple of people who are still the nice good ones – who still have a stable head – Some have become completely American, some take pride in being an Indian – but they interact and connect with you, as a human, and not because based on Visa / $ status. A couple of them to call once a while is all that you need to get a head start in this place.

What stands in contrast to ‘American Indians’ is the Chinese / Japanese / Korean communities – Need to learn a lot from them.

P.S: A couple of my settled Indian friends (the nice ones) have taken it on them to get me married – some girl – Tall, slim, and beautiful – Masters, Christian etc……….

Single, available and in the US

Well, like I stated it many times – You can do well in India (both numerically and otherwise), and it does not always mean that only the best go to the land of infinite promises, but a few choose to stay back too.

Here I am, in usa-puram (like I called it all along) and much to the disappointment of many people back home, I am not the excited jack, pumping excitement.

Touch down at Newark – the first thought that crosses my mind – Hey John, you are in the US – Single, available and not sleepy. The single part is important, and has a small history to it.

Rewind to the winter of 2000 – Young (ya really young), the flamboyant yuppie of a PM, chosen against all odds to head to the US, to be the guy to manage the new line of business, the company had bet its money on.

Standing in the simmering heat of Chennai, outside the American Consulate, even before I entered the fortified building, a strange thought crossed my head – You will not go to the US till you are married. Really strange, I thought.

45 Minutes later, I am heading out of the consulate, with a “potential immigrant” stamp on my passport, for the consulate officer saw no reason why I would come back to India, after asking 3 ‘important ‘ questions. Age, Pay and the Title of the job. And many a times, somehow many trips got planned- I backed out on some and logistics backed out on some! So, somewhere I thought, hmm, maybe that feeling was right.

Now, settled in, joined a gym, renting cars, driving 300 miles for fun, got in touch with some real old friends (after 7 years!!), and lots more.

I hope that I will blog every day from now ,and some video and picture blogs are underway

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Moving Ahead

The best thing about “Moving Ahead”, is that there is movement, and there is a hope for the future. The irony is that, there is a sense of negativity built around the word, and the general feeling of it.

Quite a few changes have taken place over the last 1 month, and I hear these words – move ahead, moving ahead, things will be fine etc.

Ya, time to act, time to be a lil nice to myself. I pray, I wish, I hope, I look ahead, I miss .. :)

Don’t really know about silver linings in the clouds – I wanna enjoy the clouds as much, and yes ……… ..........

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Feel alive at last….

Maybe I just expect too much, or I really live well, or my standards are high, or most of the world is just mediocre, or maybe I have become paranoid, or maybe I am missing a few intimate ones very much, or maybe I am having initial blues, or maybe I should have waited for sometime, or maybe I am in a hurry, or maybe…..

All these questions were playing on my mind, a few still playing…

The answer is – I really don’t know. Finally, I feel a little alive – got internet access, messengers on, and at least feel that I can ping and contact a few with a few key strokes.

P.S:Moved to Mumbai – New Job – Will shortly move to USA Puram

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy.
You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

How Worldly Are You?

You Are Very Worldly

You're an international jet setter - or pretty darn close.
And while you may feel like you have many more places to visit...
Most people live their whole lives without seeing what you've seen.
In fact, you're probably going to be traveling again soon. So Bon Voyage!

How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have?

You Are 89% Sexy

Your Sex Appeal Is: Off the Charts!

Let's face it... you're one of the sexiest people around. And you don't let anyone forget it.
You're crazy hot, and you deliver on what you promise. You are definitely one wild ride.

Are You Running on Adrenaline?

You Are Running on 66% Adrenaline

Your Adrenaline Level: Borderline Dangerous

You're running around so fast, you don't realize how quickly life is passing you by.
While you may be getting a lot done, you're on the go lifestyle is probably wearing you out.

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

You Are an Optimist

You definitely see the sunny side of life, even when things aren't going so great.
And while you may not be a realist, your optimism has really improved your quality of life.
You have the energy to take charge, solve your problems, and enjoy life for what it is.
Optimists are happier and healthier - so keep thinking positive!

Are You Prejudiced?

You Are Not Prejudiced

Not only are you color blind, but you're also ethnicity blind, gender blind, and sexual orientation blind.
You don't judge someone until you truly know them. And even then, you're probably reluctant to judge.
You try to treat everyone equally. Everyone has a fair chance with you.
Good job - there's not a prejudiced bone in your body.

Could You Be Violent?

There's Not a Violent Bone in Your Body

You're cool and collected, even when someone really gets under your skin.
And while you don't blow up when you're angry, you know how to express your anger calmly.
You don't bottle emotions up or let them get out of control. For you, violence would never be an option.

How Do Your Kisses Rate?

Your Kissing Grade: A+
You are truly an amazing kisser. Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing.Whether you're naturally a good kisser or not, you've taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible.Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!

What Color Crayon Are You?

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors.
You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius.
Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way.
While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme.

Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.


I cherish silence, but when I am all alone. I enjoy silence with a loved one - its soothing and one of the best things to share. To me silence, is when words are not required to speak, and everything understood. Words render themselves rather useless.

But there are moments I hate silence; when silence does not soothe, and is replaced by “no conversation”. I would rather prefer someone showing me the finger, or vent out than be quiet.

Some things I still can’t sleep over are when there is no conversation, or when there are unanswered questions.

Long for the shared brilliant silence – not the ‘silent no conversation’.

In the ebb

Words never cease to amaze me, and how there are so many different words to express the great myriad of constantly (?) changing human emotions!

I wonder many times, what about people who really do not have a good vocabulary? Does having a limited vocabulary mean that the person has fewer emotions to deal with?

If Yes – Whoa!
If No – Then s/he will express different emotions in the same way, there by; no one really knows what s/he is really going through!

Now let’s take the converse:
Great Vocabulary – specific words to express every thing – Whoa!
But, how many out there really understand every single word? End result - no one really knows what s/he is really going through!


What irony!

And there are moments, when words just fail. You want to speak, but really do not know what to speak – All that you really want is a calm assurance saying – it’s okay, and know that you are just off at this moment.

2 places where this assurance comes from –

First - God – for He knows everything, controls the times, and can bless you with peace as long as you seek His presence and bow in His presence to His Holy Will. And He loves you, has far more Grace & Patience than we can ever imagine.

Second - Close friends - for they are the ones who can hug you and still love you just the same, even though you are down on a bad day.

As much as with the title – The words just surfaced out of no-where!
Much lighter now – I sleep

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Bomb Blasts in Hyderabad

Angry, sad and fail to understand what these idiots achieve by bombing public places- and how they take pride in killing innocent people who would have not wronged them, or know anything about whatever justified or unjustified cause they hide behind.

I hate how News Channels jump to quick conclusions, and think about hiking up TRP ratings by reporting unverified news.

It's soothing when friends call or message and ask just one lil question - Are you safe? Nice to hear you speak and hang up, and not ask a million questions. Just shows that they were not gathering additional news.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

What a Moron I am

That's all to this post... post midnight, berift of sleep, you expect anything better.

I hate myself at this point in time.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Changing times

That's all to the post!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


I have tolerated nonsense for a tad too long – and yes, I guess, it’s about time to wrap up a few things.

The week that has gone by, I have seen how petty people can be, how magnanimous can bullshit be made to look, and how changing logic and reason, succumbing to the pressure of time (and a whole lot of things) can be coated with a layer of dripping louve (read this).

I am in a demolition mood, but thanks to a couple of good friends – blood is spared. Every time I try to think on anything from passé, my mind leaps a few years ahead into life, and of how things will be – Never really have looked back on the past with spite or benevolence!

…and for the first time – I feel – I should get extremely selfish about what I want, what I want to do, and what I don’t want to do, and there by place the world and everything and everyone into that paradigm – Why – The pain will be less!

The way I am – I give in more than myself into what I do (~work) and with a few people I care about. End of the day – does it really matter – Why do I behave like a peace maker, and burn myself almost as in retribution?

Have any decisions been taken – YES and NO – just on a watch – a week more and it is done.

The only thing that still bothers me, and will bother me I guess – is an unanswered question – and I go to any lengths to get the answer – The answers never really bothered me – Good or bad- I like and appreciate a candid response, for in a candid response, an immense trust is demonstrated and the answer will not really pain, more than a dishonest answer, or even worse, no answer.

Remembering what Swami Vivekanada said– Arise, awake and stop not till the goal is reached!
Phew - for once, Goals seem to take a back seat!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Flickering flame

A flickering flame is the worst thing - you toggle between hope and disdain, between logic and reality, between the now and the when, and between why and the how?

~ John 2007

Sunday, July 29, 2007

It's really all about you

Yes! At the end of the day, it’s really all about you, you, you alone. The “I, me, myself” surfaces from Hades, from behind the many faces we wear which is an amalgam of education, civilization, co-existence and obligation. And somewhere in all of this, is juxtaposed, something we call hope – hope that originates from a deep down spark of real truth – A truth that defines logic, builds faith and the fire that really drives us – and in saner days sans the obscurity, we know, we speak, we live and we do things that really just gravitate to one focal point – YOU

The question resounds – At the end of the day, what is that one thing that defines you?

Have I lost all hope and hence sound cynical – I remember the madman running the streets of ancient world – shouting –

…. who lit up a lantern in the radiant hours of morning, ran into the market place, and cried out: “I seek God! I seek God!” – Since many of the people who did not believe in God were gathered there, he provoked a great deal of laughter. Is he lost? Asked one. Has he lost his way like a child? Asked another. Is he hiding? Is he afraid of us? Has he departed on a long voyage? Or has he emigrated? – Thus they howled and laughed.

The madman leapt into their midst, piercing them with his stare. “Where has God gone?” he cried out; “I will tell you: we have killed him – you and I have killed him. We are all his murderers. But how could we have done this? How did we manage to drink away the ocean? Who gave us the sponge with which we wiped away the horizon? To where is it moving now? To where are we going? Running away from all the suns? Are we not continually plunging down? Backwards, Sidewards, Forwards, in all directions? Does any up or down remain?

"Are we not groping our way in an infinite nothingness? Do we not feel the breath of the empty spaces? Has it not become colder? Is there not night and ever more night? How do we manage to console ourselves, we master-assassins? Who is going to wipe the blood off our hands? Must not we ourselves become gods to make ourselves worthy of such a deed? (Extract from Fredrick Nietzsche – Essay – Dead God)

When it all boils down to the single “you”, that explains most of life’s problem.

Hang on! – Before I can answer that, these questions demand to be voiced out. How can you say, its all about “I, me, myself” - Are we really that selfish – Don’t we love, don’t we give in so fully, aren’t we ready to even die for a few, do we not sacrifice great many dreams for others, do we not forsake great pleasures, leave behind wealth?

Surprisingly the madman gives us a profound answer – when all things around us are forsaken and we say – its all about me – the essence of what we are saying is – I am the GOD of myself – The only one who is capable of extinguishing GOD is one who can be GOD him/her self – and thats what we have become.

And after a few moments of indulgence as God – Void sets in, for we cannot fill the space of a mighty ocean, or the brilliant sky - leave alone the heavenly bodies – can’t fill the void in the self –And at the moment, something emerges – Love, giving, sacrifice, bonding, growing, life, meaning, faith, hope and the spark, and we are fulfilled – no more “I, Me Myself”, but surprisingly, we get a lot more of the “I” than we ever imagined.

In the endless cycle of life – 4 questions need to be answered coherently –
  • Where have I come from?
  • Where am I going?
  • What the purpose of life?
  • What does salvation mean?
I end on this note – even the bravest among us rarely has the courage what he alone knows! (Forgot who quoted this)

Reality is – at the end of the day, its still about you, though in a different paradigm.
~ to life – Johnnie - 2007

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Life on mortgage

Dreams, hope, love, relationships, career and a thousand other words and their interplay with bold italic words of being responsible, planning ahead, negotiating well, sharp thinking, selling etc, all just to get ahead in the rat race, a little more push in the career, and little more in life, a few more dollars, a few more smiles and then will pause and take the sip of gratification and pause, and then take some rest.

... and then that one thing that has been justified by a million words, every day with a passing finesse of every vaporizing moment comes knocking on - at what price, at what cost?

... a few moments of happiness, a few moments of pleasure, a few moments of living, a few moments of being nice, a few moments of sipping off the vintage wine that we brewed over tears and toil are all lost for eternity for sure, a one moment a time.

The mirage scintillates in the shimmer of hope and the promise of a new day, that we'll live, not pay the cost anymore, reduce the price and start living - but once you get a little closer, the mirage flees and the shimmering appears again - In all this, we wake up angry every day, have become critical to a point that we forget that we exist and see the world from a diminished height and a shallow depth, have reduced life to numbers, numbers in salary, numbers in age, numbers in marks, where life progresses on - though where, I question.

... suddenly you realize that you are 25, 30, 40, 50, 60 and may be staring at death - and regret that you have been dying all along, and death is just the cruel joke that is laughing at you saying, did you really deserve to live, you have forgotten - and reality dawns !

How many days, moments, achievements, jobs, qualifications, friends, family members are there that we can look back upon and smile to ourselves a smile of gratification!

What a pity, life is on a mortgage - a mortgage that doesn’t diminish but accrued with every passing day!
Life on a mortgage!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Work and Pleasure

Mixing work with pleasure will strip pleasure of its pleasurability - the
converse? what converse?

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Comeback

Whats important to me is that you get up after falling, and not live with the fear of falling again! I love taking risks, I dont mind losing the game, and I am happy to lose too - but in the end, will get up, run and win.
After all if everyone adopts the philosophy of the fear of losing, and playing it safe, there will be none left to play - none - N-O-N-E.
I am happy that the world is full of morons and a few sane people - All sane people would make the world truly moronic.
I am back - Cheers!


Courage is the ability to accept the way you are, every time and all the time.

Let’s take this scenario from the movie Ta ra rum pum:

Xai: Why can't the parents tell the kids that they are broke? Do they think that the kids can’t understand and handle the truth?

WW: Well, it’s not a question of whether the kids can understand or not, but the parents cannot handle the truth and hence are afraid and think the kids can’t handle it.

That’s the truth of the matter - Most often than not, when we hold back an opinion or camouflage a situation to sound "politically right" or just “stay quiet”, thinking the other person cannot handle the truth, the reality of the fact is that, we do not have the courage to face it up, and really deal with it, and pass it off as the other person not ready to handle it.

Well, an argument can be made, that it’s not always that way with all - I disagree - the fact that you thought about some person with regards to a matter, is proof enough that person is a stakeholder and you cannot really solve the situation by staying quiet. All that you manage to do is insult the other person’s judgment with a myopic view, and also cringe within that you were not able to say what you wanted to say.

Sooner or later, the other person will know what was not said - and hmmm, I am sure, it’s always been, the other person handled it better than you ever imagined.

Well - Courage! Who was the coward?

I end on the same note:
Courage is the ability to accept the way you are, every time and all the time, and have the guts to look into your own soul, there by letting you look deep into someone's eye.

Dedicated to Anita, who wanted me to write on Courage a long long time ago...
~ to life - John 2007

Friday, June 08, 2007


Drained, drained & drained – nothing drains me more than having to convince that I am honest about something, and after a time, all that you can hope is, that you will be seen from outside the mess.

I do not subscribe to the karmic cycle, but one thing I definitely believe – You Screw Up – You Pay Up.

I realize that I see things from a long term both ways – a long term of events that shaped me up, my situations, my everything, and a forward view of what things can be, hope of better things, and always a smile in the stride – However, something that does not really change is the way I behave by the – point-in-time of how I feel.

At present, I am just drained – I hope for a smile to shine through in the morning.

~ to myself, John 2007

Thursday, June 07, 2007


A part of me is dead – A part of me! It’s not a side (~intellectual / emotional / romantic / philosophical / mathematical / physical / spiritual / professional / educational / behavioral / musical / dramatic / foolish / funny / serious etc) of me but a PART of me.

My heart weeps and the mind mourns the death of it, as it feels and tries to come to terms with the death – Had it been a side of me, things would have been clear, easy and composed.

Like all death, I will mourn for sometime, and life goes on.

What’s important is that there is a huge part that is alive. I will not brood on finding out what is dead – cos, the more you dig into what’s dead, the stinky and rotten it gets. Unfortunately, you cannot awaken what’s dead, but can grow back into being the ‘full of life’. I am glad that life is like that, at least till we die physically.

These are the words that have been ringing in my head for the last couple of hours, and the fact that I pay tribute to death; I guess a part of me is really dead.

~ To death, John 2007

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

No - Just a Plain No

I have realised that most often, we complain that we really did not have a choice, succumbed to pressure, or had to be politically correct, or had to take a stand in favour of the tilted-weighted circumstances, and saying a "No" was impossible and by default seen as wrong.

After a series of meetings today at office, and some rather stupid arbitrary intellectual orgasms and a plethora of reasons why somethings are justified as being right, despite the facts screaming other wise, and some anecdotes from personal experience, I believe this is the primary problem.

We do not really have the courage and the conviction to say a 'No' to our self, before we take an external stance. I guess, dealing with a binary answer at a microcosm level of self, demands the greatest of faith and courage (unfortunately) in our own self.

We are bred and live in a world where we strive to get an approval for every thing that we do, and somewhere compete, constantly battle the fear of a loss, and run the endless race of something better awaiting further ahead, and dangle between reality, hope, aspiration, logic, rationality and truth in that order.

For once I end my blog with an open ended question - Can you say 'yes' to your conviction of a 'no' and not feel afraid of your conviction, and have the courage to say a 'No' to yourself, the external world?

Why do we really gain by saying 'yes' against all this?

~to death John 2007

Saturday, June 02, 2007


I am so bloody bored in life - Too bored to even blog - Thankfully, there are books.
  • Work is going great guns - But Bored
  • Too little entertainment in the world - So Bored
  • Gyan Giving - Too Boring
  • Gyan Receiving - Hmm - Any Gyan on How not to be bored? Boring!
  • Friends - The ones I wanna Hang Out with are out of town or Busy - Others are Boring
  • Relatives - Borrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
  • Church - I am now officially on the 'watch out dude - rebel list' - Bored
  • Flings, ONS - Not interested - Bored
  • Short term romance - hmmm - does that exist? Bored
  • Long term romance - by the time latitudes, longitudes, wave lengths, conduction, entropy, dimensions etc fall in place............ - huh - Bored (for readers with lesser IQ - Latitude + Longitude = Demographics, Wave Lengths = Compatibility (not someone you can get bored of / whom you can spend endless time with, without they getting on to your nerves), Conduction = That warm feeling that can pass through air, without necessary physical contact, and make you feel nice, Entropy = lil complex to explain - leave it, I am already bored, dimensions = length, breath, volume, texture, tone, colour etc etc...
  • Family - hmmm at present, one point agenda - marriage - these discussions start animated and end up boring you to death - Bored
  • Games - Ahem - Can forget boredom for 5 hours - afterwards - Bored
  • Long Drives - Bike yes, Car hmmm...bored
  • Eating - huh ? BORING
  • Sleeeping - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz whoa - deadliest of bores
  • Call random numbers - hmmm, want one unknown phone friend - talking is boring too
  • Bored
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  • Bored
  • Bored
  • Bored
  • Bored
  • Bored
  • Bored
  • Bored
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  • Bored
  • ................................

Monday, May 21, 2007

Lineage of patience

How is that we have the greatest of patience with everything else in the world except ourselves, our parents, our realtives, our bosses and then our friends in that order.

Phew - Yes God is outside(~above) this list.

~ John

Unfinished Business

This started out as a real looooooooooooooooooooooooooong blog post on so many things that seem to hanging in mid-air, and quite a lot of analysis, world views, dreams, realities, hope, heartbreaks et all - and then, I realise -

Why am I trying to end it all, I am not dying tomorrow, or I am not retiring in life, or not 60, 70 or some 80+ guy!

Just taking a step back - and hmmm, I am glad I am 28 and take life as it comes.

Surprises and unexpected turns will be welcomed with open arms.


Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Caesar IV

Rewind to 1999-2000, and long nights were spent playing Caeser in my first job... always get excited playing strategy games.

Anyways, the game is pretty expensive, and its been quite long since I indulged in any expensive buy for self - and was thinking, hmm.... do I really deserve to buy this....and this is what sam sends in a mail..

10 reasons why johnnie deserves Ceaser IV
  1. He’s been nice to Sam through her cranky phase
  2. He stopped playing Darwin
  3. He was determined to lose weight and he lost a lot
  4. He hasn’t bought anything expensive for a long, long time
  5. He took Sam and Avu to Charminar on Sunday evening
  6. He’s spending more on cleaning up his language, anyway
  7. Wipro is turning him into a weird kind of moron otherwise
  8. He doesn’t read Asterix so Caesar is a way to ancient rome
  9. Its better than bubbles
  10. He has dimples!

Monday, May 14, 2007

I am in a SHIFT+DELETE mood

..and here comes the list

  • profile (created as a JV between Parents and Sibling)
  • orkut profile
  • Hotmail account, Rediff, Sifymail
  • Linkedin
  • SPUR ETR (extra terrestrial research...huh!!)
  • burn all the project CDs of my work life
  • throw away scrapbooks from school
  • delete a few relatives
  • all pictures in the mobile
  • all videos of myself
  • all material related to physics & maths
  • all pictures of childhood (not many though)
  • format laptop, desktop every damm thing that has data
  • reset my brain (everything goes - worldviews, gyan, memories, education, philosophy et all)
  • burn all certificates of achievement
  • cancel all credit cards
  • cancel all loan accounts (~ money I gave :P)
  • delete phone book

will keep this post though, incase I need to be reminded and have to make a comeback like "Agent J" in MIB - II


Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Another facet of Johnnie

If you can't solve the problem, become the problem!

~ my philosophy :P

Saturday, May 05, 2007

just a little tired

... no blogs being posted of late - lots of work, tired and fatigued too (ofcourse not bcos of work). Working on 3 blogs and they seem to take for ever to finish!

Thought for the day:
How does reason tell us that we have been unreasonable, and when we are unreasonable, says that its based on reason ?

hahahaha - I need a break - I just know where to be refreshed!

pretty wide spectrum

Anita said this and insists that I blog this statment about me -

John has a spectrum of impressing 5 footers to 50+ mami's (ofcourse all female) !

~ and I say - Phew ! - No Girl Friend, No Relationship, No Fling, No Anything... quite a talent unutilized I say - ppl - Options Open - Refer or be there :P


Sunday, April 29, 2007


Always wonder why the eyes mist irrespective of whether the memories are pleasant or ugly!

Something I have been thinking about, over the last couple of weeks - 'more than experience shaping us, its the memories that we create, the memories we cherish, the memories we choose to leave behind, and the memories we choose to remember that shape and influence our personality'

While experience chips off the rough edges and probably will get us the glitter in the long run, it's really the memories that shape us in the present, and influence how we behave, what we choose and how we want to look ahead at things.

Ah ... memories

Honest answers

Hmmm... one of the rare 'why' questions I ask - Rare for the fact - I dont ask 'why' in general

Why do we expect to hear a nice sounding answer, when you already know the honest answer, and disapprove of the person (not really....but hmm kinds) if s/he gave the right sounding answer, and cringe within if the answer was honest; hoping, you heard some sugared words?


~ hmmm

Ans: The heart is made of flesh I suppose :P

Compliments in Gult Land

One of the biggest compliments a guy or girl can get in Gult land is – ‘you are not a gult’


Friday, April 20, 2007

Pain, Pleasure and Meaningless thereof....

These words jarringly resound to a point of cacophony in the head, that you wonder whether the quiet that is disturbed is a mathematical consequence of a series of actions you have taken, or another dictum enforced in the myriads of fate, or the moving of the mysterious hand of an infinite God, or just about a tyranny of thoughts in a point in time and context battle?

As humans, by sheer survival instincts that we have developed over the last many thousands of years (either by the ‘survival of fittest’ theory or by the ‘rapid pushing of the limits in science, civilization and thought’), we are seasoned, equipped to deal and define our existence to start with and thereby the quality of life by the pain we are subjected to, the pain we can deal with, and the pain we can at will can cause on another human being.

It’s awing to see that the seemingly correct answer to pain is ‘to pleasure’ and here we go down the hill, on a ride of pleasure to conquer pain!

Pleasure at its core is a just a state of well being in the head, where the cacophony in the head is quieted down and adrenalin is pumped to the desired levels we chose by the type of pleasure we indulge in – I use the word indulge, because that starting point of ‘pleasure in order to deal with pain’ is the willful tyranny to suppress the noises around.

Being defined by pain, dealt by pain, and subjected pain and moving on to pleasure with a not so subtle hope of finding meaning in all of it, and we wonder, what was it that all of this means – more questions arise after the bubble of pleasure is punctured, and we redefine ourselves back in terms of pain, the pleasure thereof, and come to a grand conclusion – “Meaninglessness”

The pivotal reason to move from pain to pleasure is to get a bigger sense of autonomy of ourselves, and about you – on a path of self-fulfillment!

In the words of Daniel Yankelovich - The individual is not truly fulfilled by becoming ever more autonomous. Indeed, to move too far in this direction is to risk psychosis, the ultimate form of autonomy. The injunction to find one’s self, one must lose one’s self, contains the truth any seeker of fulfillment needs to grasp”

At this time with a tiny little pause, what really is the truth that we so desperately keep seeking, and in the process juggle with pleasure, pain and the meaninglessness thereof?

The truth is just that deep within, there is a quest to be fulfilled, and this goes beyond the apparent ramifications of the physical, mental or emotional – but start and after a long winding path end at something we call, as the quest for the spirit – GOD!

The only way the coins flip in this infinite loop is to find that anchor element of GOD, a personal relationship with Him and the meaning that’s derived thereof.

As much as with pleasure, remembering Chesterton - Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain, but from being weary of pleasure, and I add, both together push us deeper into “meaninglessness”

I am on a holiday, a much needed one, to think, to pause and to cheer myself up – and at the end of a little part of the great holiday, I see the juggle, a little cacophony muffled, and a little pleasure indulged, and a great deal of meaningless fought and some meaning derived.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Missing Day

Today, I am in a "miss a lot of things" mood

I miss the Himalayas
I miss Mumbai
I miss the fine weather after rain
I miss bunking office
I miss peacock lake
I miss watching movies alone
I miss Mumbai
I miss brilliant traditional home cooked andhra veggie food
I miss reading heavy philosophy (all philosophers are dead)
I miss writing intense blogs
I miss giving gyan (free gyan kinds - paid yes :P)
I miss the glee in the eye for simple thingies
I miss being rebellious
I miss being irreverent
I miss the joy of sunday school
I miss hardcore intellectual debates
I miss arguments where both the parties have a strong case
I miss apologetics
I miss running 10 kms
I miss 'managing' credit cards
I miss being the good son (7th class was the last known attempt)
I miss working on a 1000 item project plan
I miss making black money (hmmm... should start back)
I miss running small alternate business(es)
I miss Dark Temptation @ barista
I miss staying awake till 4 AM
I miss playing the guitar
I miss hacking
I miss illegal downloads
I miss making people incredbly happy with small sweet nothings
I miss a few friends
I miss being on a high
I miss being pensive
I miss being cranky
I miss religious debates (with respect and honour)
I miss being in love
I miss being loved
I miss expermenting with colours
I miss charcoal
I miss creating excel sheets with complex maros
I miss college from kerela
I miss Nizam college
I miss teaching basket ball to unsuspecting sexy female juniors
I miss theoritical physics classes
I miss playing with LAZERS
I miss the smell of H2S
I miss dancing in the chemistry lab with a doctor friend
I miss bunking classes at mba college
I miss making senior management bearing the grunt of hiring me (not really :P)
I miss beautiful flowers
I miss triple shot coffee
I miss the sunrise with gusty wind
I miss the sunset chasing the clouds
I miss the office roof
I miss Irani Chai
I miss old city
I miss the old prof in nuclear physics
I miss the stink of sweat after playing a cricket match the whole day
I miss the sweet nothing words "you are ...... "
I miss conference calls when you had the last laugh
I miss sitting on the floor in a conf room, amidst a serious discussion & watch the fun
I miss driving off on my bike
I miss hearing heavy metal
I miss stock market analysis
I miss secret holidays with friends
I miss telling small lil white lies
I miss being the nasty guy
I miss ....

I miss ....

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

How does your life compare quiz?

Your Life is Better Than 86% of All People

You really lucked out. Your life is ideal and practically perfect.
You shouldn't have a care or worry in the world...
And make sure you remember that when something little gets you down.
Most people would kill for your life. So be happy that you're the one living it!

no title

hmmm... takes another friend of mine to rescue me from completing the telugu alphabet - shame on me !! - My telugu skills are rather poor

Sunday, April 01, 2007

At what price would you sell out?

On Average, You Would Sell Out For


Next time you wanna buy me, that's the price.....

The three dimension luck and power test

You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!

how much is your life worth - Whatever :P

Your Life Is Worth...


The sesame street personality

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

Whats your thinking style

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Modifying
Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you.You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion.
You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested.You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Wired World

I am up early (the body clock does not know it's a Saturday) and I guess I am a little too addicted to the wired world - It's amusing that you wake up, and want to clear your head before meeting real people, but straight out zoom into the wired world.

You check mails - you know that you would not have got any (you just checked 7 hours ago) - I don't get many mails, cos I don't write many mails - and alas no Spam to clean either! These mailing marketing agencies are not working efficiently :P

Blog - Hmm, the best part of this is - its your own blog - you can do what ever you like. So I decide, hmmm let me blog and start the day.

Read all the drafts - the ones that for reasons of sociability or privacy which have not been published, and I sigh reading them, cos - they are some of the best - but, no real point publishing them now - the straight ones will not make sense as you chose to play the nice boy in a jinxed moment, and the sweet ones will not make sense, as you chose to play the 'private & intimate' role.

It's with disdain I see myself hooked to this wired world - I rather prefer real people to this, but are there really any 'real' people who are not hiding behind some veil all the time.

For the present, the wired world almost seems that it has run out of any offerings - music is boring, chat is boring, surfing is boring, googling is boring, hacks and downloads are boring, more e-books are boring, online cartoon strips are boring, jokes are boring....

Hmm, I guess humans still are interesting - there is always something left to discover in the one you know so much - will get unplugged and check out humans - but, the real ones are either wired (should check all other blogs) or don't have time for me (they are chasing humans too I guess), the others are boring too!

Friday, March 30, 2007

the smile is back

All that it takes, sometimes is to just be there, not fret, not think, let go(of yourself), just stand by, with a faith that HE knows the future, has planned for the best, not flog yourself, and begin thinking of how things could have been or why?

I am a guy who never asks WHY? but cannot sleep without the WHAT being answered. I remember saying this to Arjun - Align the When, against the WHAT, Why evolves!

I guess sometimes, life is squeezed into becoming myopic by us, that the only thing that you choose to see, is the immediate ramification possible in the near future (paradoxically against the whole realm of past + future), we just become blind.

Anyways, after the last couple of weeks and all the rampage on self and blog, and a few unfortunate souls around me, I am back to what I am - the happy johnnie - I guess, I just cannot be sad for long - Just can't be - the wheels are moving - a new sense of discipline in thought, words and deeds - a fresh pumped energy of looking forward.

As one of my friends said - John - You are at the threshold of something really BIG - I guess, I ran a lil too fast trying to make things happen, and then recoiled into apathy- Now, I stand with a clear head, a clear heart and renewed purpose - Here I come !

I can see the ONE above almost chuckling, and a few others around me smiling with a smug - I am proud that I am not right all the time - if it was that way, life would be boring.

Peace renders to sloth(ness), its only the battle that brings and retains the best.

The BEST is yet to come - just the first rays of a beaming sun.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Pragmatism Vs Realism

To Kavita, my sister and valiant warrior

Pragmatism is based on reason and logic, while being realistic is based on a set of facts and most possible outcomes (in cold words, a set of equations that render themselves to the realistic outcome – It’s a mathematical certainty). Being pragmatic involves the 'will' to be, while realistic is given the current variables, is the most realistic outcome.

The sad factor in dealing with pragmatics and realistic(s) is that, pragmatics see realistic(s) as hung and haggled upon, while realistic(s) mock the logic of being pragmatics, for in essence pragmatics deny that it was a decision of the will, but make it appear as the most sensible thing to do.

The best part of this – Pragmatics I guess bring a balance in the environment by peaceful coexistence, and realistic(s) upset this peace and give more food for thought - in the process – thought, people and species evolve.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Why ?

Life is simple, and straight, as long as we choose to abide by the simple and straight rules of life!

Why is it that we are so bent on complicating life?
Why can't we take things at face value?
Why can't we live, like there is no tomorrow?
Why can't we stop borrowing from yesterday's baggage?
Why can't we love, in a way that you have nothing but more love to give?
Why can't we just be ourselves?
Why can't we not stop dreaming?

So many questions in my head that are bombarding and stolen my peace. Why?

I may not get all the answers myself, but down on my knees, I get an assurance, and in those cradled arms, anxiety melts - The feeling that I can win when I am on my knees, and that I am loved the most, in the cradled arms, makes me look ahead through this gloomy phase.

~ an old post - with a minor difference - no cradled arms

Thank God, India's out of World Cup

Taken from ET - I love this article

There’s a brighter side to India’s exit from the World Cup. Something that can cheer up disappointed fans and angry advertisers. Sri Lanka has done a great favour to Indian economy by ousting the cricket team from the World Cup. There are about 80 million cable and satellite viewing homes in India.

According to TAM ratings, the average viewership of all World Cup matches held till now stands at about 3%, with India vs Bangladesh touching a high of 7.25%. To reach the finals, India would have played at least seven more matches.

Considering a TV Rating of 7.25%, at least 5.8 million people would have watched the match. This would have resulted in a productivity loss of 371.2 million man hours (5.8 million x 8 hours x 8 matches), apart from stress faced by mothers during exams.

About 3% of 81 million TV viewers (2.4 million) were ardent cricket fans and would have sat through all eight hours in the remaining 28 matches. Thus overall, Indian team’s ouster would result in a productivity gain of 481 million man hours of work (28x2.4x8 man hours), if put to use.

The Sri Lankans have given a boost to the Indian economy by saving 54,902 man years of work (one year = 8,761 hours). Indians can build seven phases of the Golden Quadrilateral connecting Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and Chennai spread over 5,846 kilometres all over again, with this time saved.

A daily wage skilled labourer in Delhi earns Rs 17 per hour. If put to productive use, the 481 million man hours can produce Rs 817 crore of GDP, which is 63% more than BCCI’s annual revenues of Rs 500 crore, last year. It’s 401% more than the Rs 163 crore losses, corporate India has predicted to incur due India’s ouster.

The state electricity boards are also thanking Sri Lanka for the great favour. A TV consumes 45 watts per hour. Assuming a viewer will now switch off his TV by 12 midnight, it will save Rs 135 watts at least per viewer (not considering the electricity consumed by other appliances running simultaneously.)

This will save the electricity boards 324 million watts of electricity ( 3.24 lakh kilowatts) in just 28 days. According to estimates, SEB losses in India will touch Rs 1 lakh crore by 2008.
If disappointed viewers completely switch off their TVs for eight hours, it will save the government at least 8,64,000 kilowatts, along with many more lives — at least three Indian citizens have been reported to die due to cardiac arrest or suicide after India’s defeat at the hands of Sri Lanka.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The paradox of time

Why am I posting this - As a reminder to myself to be there! thats all
All others - Don't read beyond the headline - If you still do read - hmmmm - you
might wanna post one for yourself too - no copyrights violated!

I guess, when you feel the need most - to speak to someone, even the inner circle of friends, are either busy, not interested in speaking, or just avoid for reasons valid to them at this point in time.

Most battles in life, I had to fight alone! when it mattered - somehow the scene emptied itself - this set me thinking - John - were you there, when it mattered to someone who needed you -

My memory says - barring people who dinn bother to ask or call or hint, for the people who mattered, I was there at any point without questions asked except on 3 occasions! I wonder though how much those 3 occasions meant to the people in context.

Last 10 calls, 5 SMS - 1 response from the most unlikely guy !

How Peaceful Are You Quiz

You Are 69% Peaceful

You are a very peaceful person. All is good in your world, no matter what's going on.
Occasionally you let your problems get to you, but you generally remain upbeat.
Your inner strength is inspirational - much more so than you may realize.

What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?

Your Emoticon is Sad

You're feeling a tad depressed right now. It will likely pass soon, but for now, you need some major cheering up!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

What Kind Of Friend Are You?

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen
Or lend a shoulder to cry on
You're there through thick and thin
Many people consider you their "best friend"!

How Rare Is Your Personality

Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP)

Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant.

Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

What Extreme Sport Should You Try

You Should Try Heli Skiing

Untouched powder, challenging runs...
Perfect for seasoned ski bums!

What's your love style?

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!
And chances are, you're currently in love.
You have a strong physical response to love...
And you are great at committing
(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What do people envy about you?

People Envy Your Confidence

You have the attitude and self esteem to take on anything. Failure is beyond not an option for you - it doesn't even cross your mind.
People envy your ability to take on any challenge ... and they're secretly afraid you think you're better than them. You don't. You're just sure of yourself.

Are you a good cook?

You Are a Creative Cook

Your cooking is unusual, inspired, and definitely one of a kind. People love your unique style, but you've had your share of kitchen flops.
You have the makings of a cult chef. You may not cook at the Four Seasons, but you could have your own little funky cafe in San Francisco!

Are You Spoiled

You Are 16% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have.
Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

How Aquarius Are You?

You are 87% Aquarius

Whats your religious philosophy?

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion.
Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu..
Your convictions are strong and unwavering.
You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.
Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.

You are best known for: your touch

Your dominant state: changing

How Much Envy Do You Have

Your Envy Quotient: 9%

Envious? You? No way!
You're happy with what you've got going on, and what someone else has doesn't change that.
When people succeed, you are happy for them. You know you'll get yours eventually!

Do you follow your head or heart?

You Follow Your Head

You're rational, collected, and logical.
Generally, it takes you quite a while to fall in love.
In fact, you've even been accused of being very picky.
While you're cool, you're not ice cold.
You just know what you want, and don't mind waiting to get it.

How Powerful Are You

Your Power Level is: 88%

You have all the tools you need to be a success - both professionally and personally.
You'll probably go beyond reaching your goals. You'll change the world (at least a little).

Your Hidden Talent

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

How Daring Are You

You Are a Dare Devil

For you, life is one big dare.
And you're all in for any adventure.

Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating.

You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself!

Friday, March 23, 2007

down the memory lane

When you stop dreaming (I mean the sleep dream kinds), your cerebellum being a compulsive dreamer, starts swinging in a pandemonium, oscillating between memory lane and ‘forged’ future.

Down the memory lane, I see

  • Sister’s first day of school
  • My first day at school
  • Younger sister cradled
  • Younger sister dead
  • First girl friend carrying my bag and lunch
  • First sofa
  • First Almarah
  • Summer vacations
  • Hordes of cousins
  • Aunty married
  • Me behind the camera lens
  • 16 MM projector
  • Temple pranks
  • 1.2 KV generator
  • Self proclaimed mechanic
  • Scooter
  • Youngest baby to cradle (1 hour old)
  • Adventure club
  • Pen pal club (ya… I was actually in a pen pal club hahhahah)
  • Rock band
  • Memory verse champion
  • Sunday School
  • Football
  • Board Exams
  • Gang fight
  • Books (O Henry, Henry David Thoreau, abridged classics, Tintin, Spiderman)
  • High school sweetheart
  • First Kiss
  • The rise of the rebel
  • Books (psychology, kinestics, chaos theory, Darwin, all classics)
  • Odd jobs
  • Young detective
  • Walk out of home
  • Walk out of exams
  • Bike
  • Internet enthusiast
  • Despondent GF
  • University
  • Zealous Christian
  • Biggest Failure (for all), sweet victory for me (in failure)
  • Books (Kant, Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Milton, Lewis, GK Chesterton)
  • First paper (optics)
  • BARC
  • MBA entrances
  • First Job
  • PM @ 21 – Cocky and correct
  • CII – first taste of creating money
  • Hacking
  • Anti porn activist
  • Freelance
  • My own diamonds
  • Books (Gyaan mgmt unlimited)
  • Parents Silver Jubilee
  • MBA
  • Bhopal
  • More papers in progress
  • LMS – International assignments
  • Peace maker
  • Sister’s marriage
  • Shrouded relationship
  • Mumbai
  • Ivana
  • Business consulting
  • Delhi
  • Blogs
  • Car
  • Himalayas
  • Awards
  • Behind the scenes
  • Appreciation, more appreciation
  • The piped piper
  • Fiddler on the roof
  • Best relationship
  • Vizag
  • Demographics
  • Best Friend
  • New business line

'forged' future

  • IVY league
  • US / Europe
  • Marriage?
  • fast cars
  • PHD
  • Entrepreneur
  • VP
  • Apologist
  • Gyan Guru / Strategist
  • Musician
  • Books (Negative Slack theory, Magnetic Resonance, A few fiction)
  • 35 ?

Sleep - Poem from yester years

hmm.. the bet was to use some ... whatever...

drooping eyes, darkening sight..
the mind awake to newest aims
"will" that ain't bow, lest loose; honor claims
am I the first,or the last? compete compete compete - thats all for an insight

seeing the sun, the stars fled..
time for everything and none for nothing -kills
"brightness" that conquereth. darkeness the spells
the circle continues, who chose whom and who'd fled?

bees unto daisies, dew unto mountains
one wanted and another to be wanted
"Love" that aint hurt, strife that love tainted
to grow or to fall, (to) from heights of mountains

drooping eyes, darkening sight..
reasoning weakens, and breating slows
"will" that loses, sleep that blows
am I the first,or the last? every one sleeps - thats all for an insight

Sleep - Quote of the day

Sleep is the state of being unconscious for a while, so that you can wake up to a happy consciousness –

Then there are idiots, who stay awake, so very conscious about every thing, and think that, they can better consciousness itself – The yester generation called them “philosophers”, my generation calls them “morons”

~ John 2007

its 2318

its 2318, and I am tired, fatigued, feel spent

I am tired of being nice, accommodate, being upright, running, hearing, talking, advising.... just tired... business, money, plans, house, friends, relatives, frienships, all

Want lots of pampering, unconditional love and just bear me cranky for once a while... I am just tired

even sleep is upset with me...


The rationale of reason

Have been rather pensive for a couple of days and finally reason shone, much to my dismay as a paradox – Here it comes...

The problem with logic and rationale is that, at the end, you need to balance it out – in the process, what we take with one hand, is given out through the other! Point in fact – The core issue or if I may borrow the heavy word – the quintessential meaning of the thought is reasoned out, and a decision is arrived, by subject to the will or faith, by the view point or the general state of disposition we choose.

Every thing is as much or more, a subject of the will, and reason, logic & critique therefore of anything is just about to get us to a sublimated state of apparent comfort in thought.

Rationality broods rationalism (~sans experience), and rationalism begets reason, and reason subdues the will – the will laughs, saying – you ‘will(ed)’ at the beginning to be rational.

Humility - Quote of the day

You cannot really be humble until you have seen the grandeur of what’s possible, and beyond

~ John 2007

Thursday, March 22, 2007

All in one lifetime!

hmm... Malcom Muggeridge's view about the 20th century - I wonder - How true! -

Are we heading to a shrinked version of this - in retrospect - feel already so much in half a lifetime (will publish my version of this a lil later) - Here comes the original...

We look back upon history, and what do we see? Empires rising and falling. Revolutions and Counterrevolutions. Wealth accumulated and wealth disbursed. Shakespeare has written of the rise and fall of great ones, that ebb and flow with the moon. I look back upon my own fellow countrymen, once upon a time dominating a quarter of the world, most of them convinced, in the words of what is still a popular song, that the God who made them mighty, shall make them mightier yet.

I've heard a crazed, cracked Austrian announce to the world the establishment of a Reich that would last a thousand years. I have seen an Italian clown say he was going to stop and restart the calendar with his own ascension to power. I've heard a murderous Georgian brigand in the Kremlin, acclaimed by the intellectual elite of the world as wiser than Solomon, more humane than Marcus Aurelius, more enlightened than Ashoka.

I have seen America, wealthier and in terms of military weaponry, more powerful than the rest of the world put together, so that had the American people so desired, they could have outdone a Caesar, or an Alexander in the range and scale of their conquests.

All in one lifetime, all in one lifetime, all gone. Gone with the wind.

England part of a tiny island off the coast of Europe, threatened with dismemberment and even bankruptcy. Hitler and Mussolini dead, remembered only in infamy. Stalin a forbidden name in the regime he helped found and dominate for some three decades. America haunted by fears of running our of those precious fluids that keeps their motorways roaring, and the smog settling, with troubled memories of a disastrous campaign in Vietnam, and the victories of the Don Quixotes of the media as they charged the windmills of Watergate.

All in one lifetime, all in one lifetime, all gone. Gone with the wind.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Newer definitions of success

Quite a few friends are getting married, and my parents are also on the hunt- Key elements that are considered success factors in this circus (by both sides):
  1. Engineer / Doctor
  2. 6 or approaching 7 Digit salary (per month .....hahahahah)
  3. Own house
  4. Sedan
  5. Sibilings married and settled
  6. MNC Job
  7. US / Europe Job permits
  8. Consistent 10 pointers
  9. God's will (ya after all those above points, you think god will have a problem - ya right)
Extract from a leading book with respectable data collection and analysis

What Girls want from Guys (in order of importance / success factors)
  1. Personality
  2. Humor
  3. Sensitivity
  4. Brains

What Guys want from Girls (in order of importance / success factors)

  1. Personality
  2. Good Looks
  3. Brains
  4. Humor

suprising that the success factor set does not appear anywhere - hmm - Whatever!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Quality lies in the finer detail

The prerogative of processed thought is that – it’s a long unwinding path to dissect and get to the core of anything, and all along the path, you learn a lot about the finer detail, and when the reconstruct happens – the same thoughts, truths and objects are seen in a completely new realm – and you hear people speaking an alien language about the same simple thing.

For a long time, I always wondered, why those paintings by the great masters are auctioned at such obscene prices, and how those skimpy looking rags worn at a fashion show get so much publicity, and how that skinny looking babe is devoured (~praised) by so many onlookers, and how come a few students all in an IQ / EQ / SQ range of less than 5 percentile between them still shine through, and an average batsmen suddenly over the years appears as the best one in the world, and our best friends / partners in life are the ones who all, on the outside are really not very different, but some still make a huge difference, and I state this now with an absolute conviction - quality lies (hidden) in the finer detail.

Walking by the gallis (lanes) in Hyderabad – you find POP cast statues of elegant English women of the 18th century – you have quite a range – can get one similar for as low as Rs 10 to as high as to a haughty 5 digit figures in the gallery – Now what’s the difference – It's rather evident – The finish, the attention to detail, the quality of material, the workmanship, the craftsmanship and that little thing just screams – Own me!

Over the years, I have seen myself grow from a happy indulgent guy, who cracked on the best deals on look-alikes to now rejecting fine pieces of original work for a simple reason – They just don’t entice me enough with the finesse!

In a brilliant conversation with my friend a couple of days back – a contrast was drawn between Price Vs value, and approach vs finish – and that set me thinking, and quite a few things have really changed about me.

Let me start with the obvious:

Shopping – I demand finesse and originality in contrast to any object that can suffice the need. I always thought a brand really fleeced and its irrational – it took about 2-3 yrs to really see a lil beyond the obvious that the small lil cuts, the positioning of just another button, the 2 invisible threads in a shirt, the lil touch of purple on a pink box all really make a huge difference, and someone is claiming a fair pay for it, and of course you can literally feel the difference

Money – The respect for money has increased over the years, especially when I see, that what I take for granted as a trivial expense, can make a mountain of a difference in someone else’s life. Life is to be lived both planned and unplanned – and at the end of the day – sleep not really worrying too much about tomorrow, and not loose sleep worrying about a million investments that you made yesterday – the more you earn, the more caring you need to be – and yes, be financially independent and have securities that ensure you don’t lose that independence even in the worst of invasions.

People @ Work – I demand intelligence and wisdom if you claim to be at a certain level, and demonstrate it at every thing at that level - else you are written off for a simple reason – You are not the one you claim to be! Not Darwin, but Straight and this has always worked in the long run. I don’t believe in killing people for what they are not, but after a certain point, will not carry them along as baggage, and they will be told the same in straight words.

People @ family – I have become more nuclear with my definition of family, and all others of a lineage fall outside the nuclear definition – to a point – they are all the same – good people, same blood, relatives, settled, well wishers etc – but the detail does not go beyond that - most times wonder, how different are they to me to any other stranger I bump along the way

People in life (love , friends, relationships) – This is one thing that really dinn change much - What really matters to me is just the fine detail – the lil unnoticed things in life, the lil reactions, the lil sweet nothings, the lil firm grounds, the lil spankings, the lil kissies, the lil huggies and all the lil things – else – People in general are about studies, family, career, stability and how different are they anyway? Would anyone of us be an intimate friend / fall in love with anyone – nope right – the lil details matter

The finer the details are, the more elaborate the requirements seem to be – I end with a question – once you have crossed over to the finer side of details, can you really come back and accept any look alike of lesser intricacy – the answer is yes – but, a cost is always paid.

Everything comes at a cost – for a finer object that is in line with your expectations – you pay a huge cost upfront, and the cost is recovered in ‘satisfaction’ over time – (OR) – You accept anything at a lesser cost, and work on making it an object of finesse and keep paying a cost for a long time, and in reality – can you really change it?

The prerogative of processed thought is that – it’s a long unwinding path to dissect and get to the core of anything, and all along the path, you learn a lot about the finer detail, and when the reconstruct happens – the same thoughts, truths and objects are seen in a completely new realm – and you hear people speaking an alien language about the same simple thing.