Monday, October 15, 2007

Meet the American Indians

I really really hope that the words “American Indian” is considered as a racist term, and I wanna call a lot of desi babus here by that name.

It’s funny to meet the breed out here – Most guys from the land of Gult (50%) and the rest are Mallus, Tams and North Indians.

You need to answer the following 3 questions, or have a placard, that you can handover to all “American Indians”
1. What Visa are you on
2. How long in the US
3. What’s your Salary

The answers to these questions decide how you will be treated, and how long you will be spoken to, and how many times you can probably call!

Visa / Length of Stay –
Essentially, if you are on a short stay, you will be kept at bay – everyone lives with this morbid fear that, you will cling on to them, and suck their blood out, and ask for favours! Even responses about locale are guarded – The stranger on the street, is much more responsive!

Once they know you are not on a H1 / L1 – every alternate guy offers deals on how to get a H1.

The following are some of them.

1. I know an agent – He will get you a H1 – The yearly commission ranges between 10%-35% of Annual Salary
2. Want a green card – (phew this is what surprised me the most) – Get married to a Resident (American Indian) – Cost - $ 10,000 - Contract Marriage, both parties will not touch each other – Get the Green Card and file for Divorce!!!!

$ Rules
There is an infinite obsession with how much money you can make, and everyone is on a one point agenda of making more money, saving more. The average Indian out here is in the top 5 percentile of US earnings (an American family makes half as much as an average underpaid Indian in IT), but with a catch – ‘American Indians’ live like beggars – This is what a cabby had to say (btw most cabby’s are Punjabi’s and live much better than ‘American Indians’). Most Americans hate ‘American Indians’ cos they stink! – The cabby says, yeh sale log tho deo karidne ke liye bhi hazar bar soch the hain. Itney paise bacha ke, kya kar re ga. Theen Char saal ke baad be, har ek cheese ka price ko Rupees mein convert kar ke spend karthe hain!!” Upne India ka naam barbad karthe hain.

So there you go! – If they know you earn a lot more than them- you are stay away material (material of contempt) and will immediately get a comparative chart of all pay packs across the top 10 Indian employers in the US.

If they know you earn a lot less –you are looked down as a loser, and again stay away material, with the fear that you might ask them for money!!!

If you earn as much as they do, well, they wanna hang out with ppl who are better off than them !!!

But then, there are those couple of people who are still the nice good ones – who still have a stable head – Some have become completely American, some take pride in being an Indian – but they interact and connect with you, as a human, and not because based on Visa / $ status. A couple of them to call once a while is all that you need to get a head start in this place.

What stands in contrast to ‘American Indians’ is the Chinese / Japanese / Korean communities – Need to learn a lot from them.

P.S: A couple of my settled Indian friends (the nice ones) have taken it on them to get me married – some girl – Tall, slim, and beautiful – Masters, Christian etc……….

9 comments:

springfairy said...

Interesting observations... at this rate you will give all those anthropologists a run for their money!
Enjoyed reading the cabby's comment - yeah, with the special 'John touch' Hindi!

whirlwind said...

@ Springfairy

Well once a Hyderabadi, always once - Tried to quote the cabby as exactly as possible

And Anthropologists, I dunno, but these guys are amazing material for a stand up comedian - Guess Peter Russell will take a dig at 'American Indians' sometime

Xai said...

hmmm... you're scaring away potential immigrants with this post... :P

whirlwind said...

@ Xai,

You just need a couple of sane guys - you are speaking to one - I have a couple of more friends ;)

P.S:
Hubby and BFs dont count into sane ppl list

Arjun said...

As XAI rightly put it - this is a SCARE post!!!
You make the indians going to the US sound like bangladeshis or like Biharis.....

Arjun said...

i wonder how Rita Tiwari survivied for so many years in the uS...
Any ideas John?

whirlwind said...

@ Arjun
still missing and cherishing the sweet memories of Rita ;)

Anonymous said...

very intresting....

akka

Vishnu said...

quite interesting observations.....
A shocking revelation is the green card...