Monday, April 17, 2006

Why did the Chicken cross the road

I am alive and well, and lots of things have been happening since my last Blog ... except that... just dinn feel like blogging.

So...thought will break the Jinx and blog... but..I want to blog...and I dont feel like blogging...and reminds me of the "chicken and egg" problem.

Here is my BLOG with a Tribute to the all time old question - "why did the Chicken Cross the Road?"

Isaac Newton 's Answer:The duck suggested to the chicken that they playfollow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .

Shakespeare 's Answer:To cross or not to cross, that is the question.

Rene Descartes 's Answer:Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.

John Kerry's Answer:I agree that the chicken should cross the road, but I believe that the chicken should not get to the other side..

Steve Jobs 's (Apple) Answer:Because of the brand-new iChicken- a portable device that crosses roads, lays eggs, gives wakeup calls and provides dinner, automatically.

This amazing device can simply plug in to the $4000 iCoop to produce additional iChickens and recharge existing iChickens, or plug it into the $9000 iChop to convert iChicken files into iFood. iFood-to-Regular Food converters sell for an additional $50/month fee, however the optional iFood-to-FoodXP converter is still in development.

iChickens are only available from authorized iDealers, which can be found in nearly every US state. If your iChicken develops a disease or stops working, you must send it by FedEx Overnight to Littleton, Montana and our iTechnicians will send you a replacement within 3 months. The iChicken. Wow.

Jessica Simpson: Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Colin Powell 's Answer:This is not about whether inspectors made sure the chicken crossed the road, it's about the willingness of the chicken to cross the road voluntarily.

Homer Simpson: There was free beer on the other side of the road!!

Bill Cosby: Weeelll, ya see, the chicken crossed the road, and to get... to...the jello pudding pops.

Gandhi: All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.

Henry David Thoreau's Answer:To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for Chicken, one giant leap for Chicken kind.

President George W Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, the chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Martha Stewart: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Scully: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.Morpheous: There is no road...

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Arthur Andersen Consultant's Answer:Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening itsdominant market position.
The chicken was faced with significantchallenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.

Andersen Consulting, in a partneringrelationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking itsphysical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.

Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.

The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impact environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon aconsistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with thechicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towardsthe creation of a total business integration solution. (AndersenConsulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Ralph Waldo Emerson's Answer:It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Al Gore's Answer:I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Aristotle's Answer:To actualize it’s potential.

Karl Marx's Answer:It was a historical inevitability.

Buddha's Answer:If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Immanuel Kant's Answer: Chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Nietzsche's Answer:Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
My Answer : To enable someone kill time writing about why it crossed the Road

Saturday, April 01, 2006

I still am human...

……..and…just about what the hell is my Mistake? I do not have lordship over being “absolute”. If I can be absolute, then I guess, I am as good if not better as God. But, the reality is that, I am 100% human, with a mortal spirit, tinctured feelings, intense emotions and breathe as much oxygen as any other living human would.

Why is this utter conflict of being pushed into a world of relativism and measured as an absolute?

Right from the time we are born, Oh.. this fella, He is a lil dark than my cousin’s child, this child is calm - you should see the child in my appartmetn complex – The doctor annoices – This child is a lil under weight than…acceptable…….life goes on….and comes School --- oh my ! he is so good, he is so bad…he is this …he is that…..come to teen age ….. He is so behaved….he is vrillaint…he is sporty….he is handsome..he is shappby…….start working….he is dependable…he is successful…he is a failure….he is this …heis that…..and even when one eventually dies….oh!..he was such a man…he is good…he is bad…..and even the tombstone mocks….someone says…. Oh..that tomb stone is better…..

What the f$#& is wrong with people. Can’t life ever be for a moment with out a comparison… and against what stupid this are you comparing….some thing relative….and all we morons are still existing in the relativism world….so why do some relative items become so freaking absolutes..

The worst part … some one reads this blog…and says…. John is actually not like so #$%^%! all the time….. what the hell….can’t you NOT compare….

Oh Yes!... if I say, don’t compare….I would mean, treat me as absolute….and reality is …I am not absolute…..