Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Antidote to the cosmo bride

Well, well, well . . . this post definetly deserved a proper response, and here it comes.

Question 1:Are you very attached to your mom?
Answer : Now that you are cornered into being affirmative of your stand, and losing ground for your future, you need to deal with this with a lil unattached, impersonal stance.

Give the smartest smile, and break into a gooey but steady gaze - the trick is, if you are the good looking guy - the smile and the steady gaze will cloud the real response - so every answer will be a good one. If you are cheated by mother Earth on looks, well, you see you have nothing really to lose, the girl is not yours to start with, so go ahead and get martyrdom.

Hmm, well, its a lil funny- I mean not your question (1ooo brownie points), but my view on it (1 Million Brownie points). I do not know about my early days, but ever since I saw my mom through my adolescent years, I started to appreciate how wonderful a woman can be! - a friend, a teacher, a counsellor, a mother and everything - and what really surprised me is that, this woman who is so much to you, just suddenly gives up everything, when her boy gets married, with the greatest of confidence that, his wifey will be all and more of what she could ever be!

Now in simple words, I will always be attached to the dimensions of the mother wonderful, with greater dimensions far beyond you. That's why you are my wifey, and then a mother later.

Watch out: The girl cannot deny the logic, but if you see her hating the Gyan, flash the brilliant smile. If you are good looking, else, just give a pensive look and say pick the glass of water, and say, btw, you are very intelligent and courageous - not many girls I rejected ever asked (insecurity works bro)


Question 2:Do you believe that there is such a thing as male and female roles in the family?
Now that you have already overwhelmed the girl, go easy on this bro, else you will be framed as rigid, insensitive and 'moron'. This is a question worth losing - you win by loosing.

Well, I wish there was something like that, (laugh, laugh and of course smile). Sad, don't you think that something like that is always thrusted, when it does not exist. Come on, just bcos, you and I are female and male, how does that automatically fix us to some roles. (now praise) Just imagine, how much an intelligent girl like you will be insulted to be stereotyped, or rather, I would hate it if you are stereotyped, or I am. It's not a job right for the perfect profiles....hmmmm (shut up here...don't speak anymore even if prodded). Look at her with a glint in the eye - Whoa how intelligent you are - Just wish you were mine kinds (2 M brownie Points)

Question 3:Did you have a girlfriend in college?

Now dude, this is the decider, you will get her or loose her. Before you answer her, make sure you suddenly say, hmm.. should speak about college / univ days. I am from IIM. Which college are your from. (reason: If she is from the same fraternity as you are, you know its a cool ride, speak the truth - If not, even better, she will feel guilty for the net 5 mins and you can ramble an answer)

If you are the good looking Guy, hmm - you were chased - Just list out, hmmm... (take a real long tantalizing pause)...by 12.5 girls (.5 is very important - sideline the discussion, the girl will be most interested in the half fling than a full relationship). If you are the bad guy, well still say the same thing with a hmmm, well, YES kinda smug look.

Now deal with her reaction - best way- give 2 mins of silence - Don't break the silence, or you'll be dead. If the girl is a 'cool' one, she will volunteer, some info about herself - you are in safe waters, have a healthy funny story to share, and don't make her jealous, but make sure that she knows you have not played 'fool'. If she does not offer any details, and gives a horrid expression, come-on dude, the tables have turned, you have to decide if you really want a girl who will nag you to death and feel insecure for the rest of her life - duh.

The college question will surely help.!

Question 4:Do you cook?
Now my ! If you know how to cook, I am sure you can cook her a nice dish with your words right away- give a small short story (make sure a 'few' girls really loved it), and say, ofcourse, that was all cos I needed to survive. Well, like you know, you would have also learnt or cook cos yu have to, else hmm..outsource. Its the mantra. If needed, you or I can do it always.

Give a real ray of hope (be sure you live up to it later) - You see, in the new economy, I guess, much time is lost cooking - cooking should be a pleasure, and we do it when we like - For the daily task, we earn enough to afford a few luxuries (you sold pleasure, luxury, and ensured that you dinn promise you'll cook, and dinn ask her if she'll cook).

Either ways, if she does not know to cook, better to eat tasty food cooked by a cook, and teach her cooking the pleasurable way - once she learns that, she know that the way to a man's heart if through the stomach - which wifey does not want his heart?

Question 5:Do you have any questions?

Whoa, now its to see whether you are at your wits ends -
Just laugh out - Whoa! so all this time, was I questioned, I thought we had a brilliant conversation!

Pause

Pause

Pause

I do not know if you like me or not, and we are not fitting profiles - may be we'll talk more - the conversations will kill the need for questions -

hmm ya,. one question- Like chocolates - (have at least 3 types in your pocket bro) - she does not like chocolates, get up run - no chocolate - no woman.

4 comments:

Xai - Warrior Princess said...

Minus Billion brownie Points for "girls I rejected" Are girls barterable goods?

Plus Four Billion Brownie Points for the chocolate thingie.

Shall we set the date? :P

Sarbani Bose said...

‘I thought I knew Aquarians well. And I always thought that the ‘intelligence in the weirdness and the madness’ were not so much a part of the stars than the genes. I was wrong. But I was right in one thing – Aquarians never wish each other Happy New Year – they seem to think that’s given – what else can happen when there is madness all around? Ha ha ha ha’

Arjun said...

hmmm.... (faraway look in my eyes...

you seem to be speaking sense.. unfortunately i won't get to try these lines :-)

cosmo-question-setter said...

hey, i demand that all those who comment here comment on my blog too