Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Defining the Management Species….

Ever wondered why the pointy haired guy in Dilbert earned a million bucks, and why the not working fatso, writing blogs like this gets paid…

Let’s define the management species

Type 1 – The Gyan Givers
This type typically alternates between animated mysticism & uncharacteristic forthrighted ness, armed with a plethora of facts and events that they can twist and mould so subtly, to their advantage, that you will swear by hell, that it’s the coolest place to go, and bet your purse on it.

These guys when they work, (assuming they will occasionally to undo the ill feeling of being obsessively paid) come with strategies and thought processes that are ahead of time, and you would be surprised, how on EARTH they could do this – You see, their strength is their power to think, and the ability to interpret the “thinking” in words – They earn their worth by one simple great idea, one per year (if passive) and one per Quarter (if aggressive).

Generally 100% original

Type 2 – The Gyan Interpreters
This type typically, are aspiring Gyan givers, but have been cheated by mother earth, that their cerebellum refuses to be able to think beyond a certain point –reason – They need a constant adrenalin shots of being in the thick (not think!) of doing things. They feel justified about their pay, when they are so tired that they cannot spend what they earn.

These guys, become the most successful managers, and some end up by misfortune as leaders, and think they have become Gyan Givers –and wonder why people hate them, and lower ups give them proxy Gyan.

These guys excel in adapting available GYAN to current situations –and can pass off as near original – till they are cornered in an absolute mess.

Type 3 – The Gyan(i) Babas
These guys assume they have lots of Gyan, when all they have is lots of English (thanks to “Norman Lewis – Word Power Made Easy”). These people discuss extremely abstract subjects like – How to get and alien to attain a near similar human orgasm?

They cannot do any work – period. They can find hundreds of faults with almost everything that has been created or can be created in the next 10 light years. They give, give, give, give, give, give, give…gyan till the point they believe the very thing they gave was actually what gave them birth – meaning – he is Gyani (Gyan + I) personified and the company’s ultimate solution.

hese guys are the ones who think, they are CEO material, while at best they can do is woo a few unsuspecting girls in their first jobs.

Type 4 – The Gyan Mongers
These guys are young, intelligent and foolish. They would not close their eye lids, just in case they would miss one important slide, are part of every training, and would have read the complete set of “Shiv Kera’s –Self improvement Program” and their library stocked with all the editions of “one minute Manager”.

The have the Gyani Babas, as the ultimate Gods, and these guys are exceptional hard workers, or rather made to work exceptionally hard.

You find these guys, in the best corporate dresses, speaking big terms, and watch only Hollywood movies. These guys are the working class of the Management species and are needed very much in the economy.

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